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Heterosexuals are simultaneously fascinated by and clueless about lesbian sex. ” At some point in her life, pretty much any lesbian will be asked this question.
Lurking behind this query is a host of assumptions about what constitutes “real sex” and what a “real woman” sexually desires.
Sexual agency—the ability to make decisions about what you like to do sexually and then act upon them—has historically been denied to women.
Many men (straight and gay) simply cannot imagine that real sex takes place without penetration with a penis.
For this reason, lesbian sex has become a cultural marker, a stand-in, for the question “What actually counts as sex? There are many ways people, including straight people, have and enjoy sex.